Of Breathing and Breaking, Falling and Flying
by oxsilvermoonxo
Summary: "They say that eyes are windows to the soul - through his eyes, I saw the sky. Hidden by clouds, held back by something...but the white, open, eternal heavens nonetheless." A strange, fanciful story of two people and their thoughts. Neji/Ten


**Special thanks to I. Heart. Hatake. Kakashi for providing the prompts that I can never do justice to. **

**This is kind of a weird, experimental piece...i've never done anything like this before. Slightly AUish, I suppose, alternating POV between the two characters. Sorry about the dashes, pretend they aren't there. The site is being silly about my formatting, so just pretend they're spaces :[ **

**...Other limited/odd usage of punctuation and hyperactive capitalization was probably on purpose.  
><strong>

**Any type of review or constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated :) **

**Sorry if this is really confusing .;; But thanks for giving it a chance, and enjoy reading! (Maybe...)**

* * *

><p><em>-o:o:o:o: Hope is a waking dream :o:o:o:o-<em>

* * *

><p>:.:.: There she is.<br>-

Strange how, when everything is

under **control**,

under **command**,

one single person can change

_Everything_.  
>-<p>

Strange how, when the world is,

if not right,

logical, at least;

(-solid, sturdy-)

yet the appearance of _one girl_

is enough to turn that precise, disciplined world

inside **OuT**.  
>-<p>

Strange how, one _look_ from brownsugar_ eyes_

can make everything melt away

and your vision is narrowed

on that single, intensely **glowing** spirit  
>-<p>

and you long for her

with an _aching_ in your chest,

a sensation you didn't know **existed**,

that WoN'T Go aWay.  
>-<p>

and the feeling in your gut tells you

that nothing

will ever be the same

**AGaiN.**

.:.:.:

* * *

><p>-:-<p>

When I look at him

I see:  
>-<p>

_long_, soft hair

pale, _smooth_ complexion

lean, hard _muscles_

(that i cant help being a little envious of)

and those AmAzinG _**eyes**_  
>-<p>

They say the _eyes_ are the windows to the **soul**.

his reflect cold _ice_

pale silver

warm _lavender_

shimmering **opal**

vast **glaciers**

_ever_ drifting

ever _changing_

who knew there were so many shades of white?  
>-<p>

frankly, he's more beautiful than i am

out of my league.  
>-<p>

he's **cold**

_silent_

something I find hard to forgive.

so why do i feel so

**allured?**  
><strong>-<strong>

there's something about him

the way he talks

- - - -_walks_

every insignificant little thing

that pulls like a MAGNET

at the fiber of my BEIng

and I knew I couldn't turn away.

-:-

* * *

><p>:.:.: The way she smiles<p>

-_often_-

but each time strikes me

**harder** than the last  
>-<p>

what i'd say

is something that

-before-

I'd scorn at;

Before

- - the light,

- - - the warmth

- -when the world was a

- _bitter_, _frosty_ place.

That's what she is to me;  
>-<p>

- - a ray of sunlight,

- - beaming through the clouds

- - of dull, eVeRyDaY routine

- - something _**intangible**_.  
>-<p>

something that, no matter how you try

a person like i

could _never_ ToUCh.  
>-<p>

can only watch and admire

from below.  
>-<p>

from the ground:.:.:

* * *

><p>-:-<p>

Can't stop staring

and I force myself to look away  
>-<p>

at the ceiling

the _floor_

the window

anYtHIng but him.  
>-<p>

but disobedient eyes

stray, pulled by

something resembling

_**gravity**_

until suddenly, I found myself staring

straight into a familiar gaze...

i vaguely recall _snapping_ my head

in the opposite direction

- - - (gravity defied)

heart _pounding_, as if i were

a child, doing something **bad**  
>-<p>

a rush of emotion hit me like a train.

- - - - _embarrassment_

why did I act so damned

guilty?

- - - - - _chagrin_

I was just caught staring

- - - - - _shame_

I thought I was different from other

ditz brained girls

- - - - - _guilt_

I cant believe I did that

- - - - - anger

I cannot **believe**

I did that!

- - - - - _AnnoyAnce_:

why couldn't he have not looked,

just for a bit longer?  
>-<p>

and underneath it all, almost buried

by the stream of sensations

was something i'd call

_giddiness_  
>-<p>

…he's so dammed pretty!

the room seemed unusually warm all of a sudden.

-:-

* * *

><p>:.:.:I could feel someone<p>

_watching_.

turning,

**oh**.

-(it's her.)

a badly disguised jerk of the head

and her eyes avOided mine.  
>-<p>

this surprised me

but I couldn't fight the tiny _smile_

that TUGged at a corner of my lips-

she was determinedly facing the

opposite direction.

From where i sat

I could see the pink tint to

her neck and _cheeks_- - and

before i even realized,

my hand was on

the lower half of my _own_ face

covering up the laugh

threatening to **break out**  
>-<p>

she was kind of…  
>-<p>

well,

kind-of really damn cute.  
>-<p>

thank God everyone's too

occupied to notice our

identical facial colorations:.:.:

* * *

><p>-:-<p>

In the past, the term

"**_love_**"

was a word regarded

with light contempt. Sure,

i _**Love**_

_- - - my parents_

_- - - friends_

_- - - family_

everyone close to me

i love with all my

**heart**  
>-<p>

but the kind of 'love' you see

in movies

- - - _a man takes a beautiful girl_ (he barely knows)

_carrying her off and away to live_

happily.

ever.

after.

.

.

.

What a disgusting concept.  
>-<p>

I am **better** than that.

-  
>I pride myself<p>

for being above silly, girlish…  
>-<p>

_distractions._

meaningless ideals to waste our time.

so what do you call this

feeling?  
>-<p>

(a _distraction_, that's what)

-  
>every glance,<p>

the heart

- - - **skips**

the stomach

- - - **dances**

and suddenly,

the mind is on **overload**

until i'm worn out and ready to

_quit._  
>-<p>

Love shouldn't have to be this hard.

-:-

* * *

><p>:.:.: Each fist pounds in time<p>

to the beating mantra

chanting in my

head:

i can't make her

**_happy_**

i'm not what she

**_wants_**.

being **with** me will

on-ly-_**pull**_-her

**_down_**

-down-

(_down_)  
>-<p>

i know.

i know.  
>-<p>

Dammit, i _know_.  
>-<p>

but the war of head vs.

heart

is interesting.

- - - (not)

all those years of training

_- - - discipline_

_- - - control_

out the window and forgotten  
>-<p>

_Head_

(suddenly

clumsy and idle)  
>-<p>

_Heart_

(clamoring for attention

when heart-warming presence

comes to noTicE)  
>-<p>

and this constant battle to control

_Body_

is exHaUStiNg.  
>-<p>

yet strangely addicting.

i don't BeLiEvE i

could **stop** if i

**tried**.:.:.:

* * *

><p>-:-<p>

y'know, it's interesting:

I wouldnt call it love  
>-<em>yet<em>-

Definitely not Love.  
>but it's something suspiciously like<br>**falling** –

nothing to grasp  
>on to, no way to be in<br>_control_.  
>that giddy, weightless sensation<br>(-pretending to have wings-)  
>until the ground comes up<br>to _crush_ you, **smash** you,

and you never soar again.

That oncoming ground is what terrifies me.  
>-<p>

running  
>hiding<br>desperately trying to _escape_  
>the inevitable pull towards<p>

the ground,

towards him.

i don't even remember  
>what i'm running from anymore.<p>

_-a quick glance-_  
>(oh. right.)<p>

but i want him.

Want _Him_.

**Need** to have him with  
>a kind of <span>desire<span>,  
>a kind of pull that<br>i had never felt

before  
>-<p>

he mAkes me feel high.  
>High up above, in the<strong><br>sky**, waiting in_  
>anticipAtion<em>.

Waiting for the**  
>FALL<strong>.

-:-

* * *

><p>:.:.:Shit.<p>

It's getting harder and harder to_  
>resist<em>.

dreams of her smiles  
>dominate <strong>every <strong>waking_  
>moment,<em>  
>every unconscious<em><br>thought_.  
>and i find it<br>impossible  
>to <em>ConCENtRatE<em> on  
>anything else.<p>

she is  
>contagiously light and<p>

it's all I can do to_  
>resist<em>  
>the urge to take her,<br>to hold her _delicate_, _weightless_ frame

and **_crush_** her-

- no -  
>to bring her <span>solidity<span>-

or to lift me up?

Is ThaT i want?  
>To depend on another<br>being to BANISH  
>this <strong>monster<strong> of

loneliness?  
>That she could<br>penetrate the darkness,  
>slice through to the<em><br>heart_, the source of the

ice

the hurt

the doubt

and then what?

perhaps-  
>perhaps it's just to<br>Pretend.  
>to Imagine,<p>

to Pretend that she could possibly,  
>conceivably<br>want _me._

that something,  
>someone in this world would<br>agree to be

_mine_.

And then i felt a pang of  
>Guilt.<br>For I had already began  
>allowing myself to<p>

hope.

for completion,_  
>balance.<em>  
>for HAppinEsS.<br>For a future.

For other such

**non-attainable** things.

Shit.:.:.:

* * *

><p>-:-<p>

Dreams of

_silky hair_

**broad shoulders**

_Endlessly __white_, cloudy skies

are Dancing through my HEAD

then

(not forgotten, just

forestalled)

i look through the window

and a surge of

_enchantment_ arises.  
>-<p>

The world of storm clouds and

hazy mist is

Magic on **Earth**.

i feel it in the movement of

people pulling out

umbrellas

trying to _protect_ against the

damp

not understanding the

cleansing,

not knowing the

_**Joy**_ of _embracing_

_rain.  
><em>-_  
><em>

forget them.

i step out, into _tears_ of the heavens.

tears of joy

or sorrow?

it's the same in the

end.  
>-<p>

but I say

washing the dirt,

the _filth_

the _**grime**_ from the earth

deserves commemoration.  
>-<p>

Arms to the sky, Spin through

life _Eyes_ **closed**, _Hands_ **out**. feeling

each

drop of

rain, and WELCOMING it as one's

own.

-  
>Know this,<p>

that _true wings_

cannot be diminished by

mere water, _mere clouds_

cannot harm true

light.  
>-<p>

We have nothing to be afraid of.  
>-<p>

_'you__'__ll__catch__cold,'_

a voice cuts through to me

hesitant

staring at me through those

_prettypretty_

eyes.  
>-<p>

almost mortified, yet giddy

_soaring **high**_ in the downpour

i felt myself take his

cold hands

pulling him with me, whispering

_how__ could __i?_

see the way cloudy eyes soften.

tiptoeing, a soft brush of the cheek.

_rainIsMAGIC~_

a glance over the shoulder

(the air turning

_dusty gold_ with particles of

sunlight)

last smile of the **lips**,

last press of the **hands**.

and **turn** to walk back **home**.

-:-

* * *

><p>:.:.:One afternoon<p>

while _not_ stalking a certain

…female...

hearing patters of droplets

hitting the ground

_(taptaptap)_

seeing her slip out the back

_(taptaptap)_

What the _**hell**_

am i doing?

Almost ashamed, almost

backing away

until flashes of movement

catch my eye.  
>-<p>

_(taptaptap)_

the Heart leaps

then dances

at the sight of

a beautiful girl

skipping through the droplets.  
>-<p>

_tap__tap__tap_ goes

the rain,

as something inside

keeps time  
>-<p>

Derived, perhaps,

from the same insanity

as that breathless,

heart-tapping

sickness,

i find myself saying

the first, brainless

thing that comes to mind.  
>-<p>

_You'll catch cold_

_(taptaptap)_

**Idiot**! as if

disapproving,

as if telling her to

Stop.  
>-<p>

she turns and glances,

wide brown eyes startled

but then-

a confident flash

of a _dazzling_ smile

and i dimly sense her come

closer.  
>-<p>

her hands were so small

so delicate.

so warm.

_(taptaptap)_

as she leaned up

as i stood still

- - - afraid if I moved

she might _shatter_

and disappear with the

rain.

_'how could i?' _

she whispers, staring

straight into my

eyes.  
>-<p>

i don't move,

even when her face brushes

against mine, when her

breath is soft in my ear.

_**Rain** is Magic._

and with that, she lets go

leaving me electrified,

each hair **standing** on end

at attention.  
>-<p>

she spins around through the rain

glancing once more through

dark lashes,

then disappears.  
>-<p>

_Magic Indeed_

Was my last coherent thought, feeling

Numb

Breathless

Weightless.  
>-<p>

It wasn't until i arrived home

that i even realized i was

_soaked to the_

_bone_. :.:.:

* * *

><p>-:-<p>

I had a dream.

One of those typical dreams,

where you're _flying_. Well,

Flying or Falling, (who knows) –

but in the end, you

**jolt**

awake, to the realization that

_you Cannot win in life_.

Only this time, it was different.  
>-<p>

This time, i was falling

except _not_.

it was a gentle,

tender sensation, the

white clouds floating by leisurely against

the dark black sky -

as if aware of the fact that

there was no hurry.

we would _get_ to where we were

_going_ in due time, leaving **no time**

whatsoever to rush.  
>-<p>

i turned lazily about in the

clouds, staring up above when

a sense of urgency pulled me **down.**

_i had to find him._  
>-<p>

i panicked, **dropping** several feet, a

_wave of terror_ gripping

my chest. Something

terrible

_horrible_

would happen if i did not find...  
>-<p>

…who?

what was I looking for?  
>i had no idea.<p>

But i must find

Him, i must-

_where was he?_

frantic sobbing tore through my throat,

and I felt tear drops roll

like _droplets_ of rain.  
>-<p>

Thunder rolled in the distance, and

Something was **exploding** (_taptaptap) _in my

chest, coldly gripping

my lungs.  
>-<p>

and then his voice was in

my ear.

a wave of relief _washes_ over me,

and i reached down, touching

his ice cold hand

feeling blue veins of warmth

rushing through his arm:

giving him strength

_solidity_

pulling him up, next to me.  
>-<p>

The storm passes, and

Together

we rise, nestled comfortably,

Together

in the clouds.  
>-<p>

I was happy.

-:-

* * *

><p>:.:.: i lay in bed<p>

that night

Thinking about,

**Things**.  
>-<p>

thinking about my

_father_

thinking about

_her_,

about

_life_

and what it means to be

free.

i spent my whole

life

**living** to please another

be it my family

my clan

my **duty**

and never once have i complained  
>_<p>

after all, what's the use?

but Freedom wasn't simply being

free from fear

from oppression  
>-<p>

wasn't simply _knowing_ that things would never

Change.  
>-<p>

_Freedom_ was **Choice**.  
>-<p>

Choice to be frightened,

Choice to **leap** off that cliff, into the

**sky**.  
>-<p>

Choice was _Uncertainty_, and

uncertainty was _Fear_,

but Choice is Foremost and Always

FREEDOM.  
>-<p>

i Chose to be Free.

with Her.

:.:.:

* * *

><p>-:-<p>

I wouldn't call it love

-Yet-

still not love…

Yet…

Oh, who am i kidding?

if this isn't **_love_**, then

i'd be Terrified to learn what

_real_true love might be.  
>-<p>

but you know,

They say that  
>the eyes are the windows<p>

to the soul

and through those windows lie  
>pools of emotion.<p>

-  
>Drown yourself in those pools<p>

(surge and swirl),

_Trapped_,

in the depths of those pools.  
>-<p>

No.

Through his eyes, i saw the _sky_.

hidden by clouds

held back by

_something_, but  
>- - - white<br>- - - open

_eternal_ heavens nonetheless.  
>-<p>

Clouds can't mask Forever, and

mist can't hold down Sky.  
>-<p>

I don't want to **Drown**  
>or <strong>Crash<strong>

or be **_Trapped_** in the ground

suffocating.  
>-<p>

I want to fly  
>soar into the forever,<p>

the waking dream of hope.

with him.  
>-<p>

_Together_ on our wings,

:.:-:-:.: We'll Never Come Down~ :.:-:-:.:


End file.
